he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So squirting runs in the family.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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