Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
