I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
