I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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