your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
