There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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