I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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