pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I need to calm my uterus...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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