We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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