i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
now i know why i became what i already was.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize