i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
