why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Less talking, more tequila
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Randomize
