last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
