the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
