Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
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How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
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My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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