he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
