Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
