thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
