How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
