I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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