things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
