Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
