DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
