I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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