I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
