His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
