and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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