Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
