I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
