Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
