Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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