I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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