Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
