cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
