i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
