I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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