why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
