Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
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