The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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