She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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