Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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