Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
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