Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
