dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
