I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
