So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
