i can't believe i had my finger in that
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
