my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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