Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
