We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
