I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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