I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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