i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
