That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
