The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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