What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
