I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
