i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
