Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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