im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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