I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
