how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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