We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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