walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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