I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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