Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
