For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
