If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
