SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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